Morituri Nolumus Mori

There was a single, hollow, wooden thud.

Conina stood and stared. For once, the heroic blood that pounded through her veins, drowning
out all chances of a lifetime in a pink pinny, was totally at a loss.

'I've just killed a wooden box,' she said.

Rincewind looked round the corner.

The Luggage stood in the dripping street, the knife still quivering in its lid, and stared at her.

Then it changed its position slightly, its little legs moving in a complicated tango pattern, and stared
at Rincewind. The Luggage didn't have any features at all, apart from a lock and a couple of hinges,
but it could stare better than a rockful of iguanas. It could outstare a glass-eyed statue. When it came
to a look of betrayed pathos, the Luggage could leave the average kicked spaniel moping back in its
kennel. It had several arrowheads and broken swords sticking in it.

'What is it?' hissed Conina.

'It's just the Luggage,' said Rincewind wearily.

'Does it belong to you?'

'Not really. Sort of.'

'Is it dangerous?'

The Luggage shuffled round to stare at her again.

'There's two schools of thought about that,' said Rincewind. 'There's some people who say it's
dangerous, and others who say it's very dangerous. What do you think?'

The Luggage raised its lid a fraction.

The Luggage was made from the wood of the sapient peartree, a plant so magical that it had
nearly died out on the Disc and survived only in one or two places; it was a sort of rosebay
willowherb, only instead of bomb sites it sprouted in areas that had seen vast expenditures of magic.
Wizards' staves were traditionally made of it; so was the Luggage.

Among the Luggage's magical qualities was a fairly simple and direct one: it would follow its
adopted owner anywhere. Not anywhere in any particular set of dimensions, or country, or universe,
or lifetime. Anywhere. It was about as easy to shake off as a head cold and considerably more
unpleasant.

The Luggage was also extremely protective of its owner. It would be hard to describe its attitude
to the rest of creation, but one could start with the phrase 'bloody-minded malevolence' and work up
from there.

Conina stared at that lid. It looked very much like a mouth.

'I think I'd vote for "terminally dangerous",' she said.

'It likes crisps,' volunteered Rincewind, and then added, 'Well, that's a bit strong. It eats crisps.'
'What about people?'

'Oh, and people. About fifteen so far; I think.'

'Were they good or bad?'

'Just dead, I think. It also does your laundry for you, you put your clothes in and they come out
washed and ironed.'

'And covered in blood?'

'You know, that's the funny thing,' said Rincewind.

'The funny thing?' repeated Conina, her eyes not leaving the Luggage.

'Yes, because, you see, the inside isn't always the same, it's sort of multidimensional, and-’
'How does it feel about women?'

'Oh, it's not choosy. It ate a book of spells last year. Sulked for three days and then spat it out.'
'It's horrible,' said Conina, and backed away.

'Oh, yes,' said Rincewind, 'absolutely.'

'I mean the way it stares!'

'It's very good at it, isn't it?'

-Sourcery